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| Sorry for the lack of updates people. I'm still alive over in Fukuoka. Headed to Tokyo next weekend.
Also I probably won't update my xanga much. I've decided to give Twitter a try.
Check me out at http://www.twitter.com/farang_noi
Cheers,
Aaron
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| I sit in my pseudo old-English-mansion office listening to the mammoth overhead heater frantically trying to breathe hot air into the otherwise cold November surrounds. Fall has truly hit Fukuoka at long last. And I reminisce about the past 180 days I have spent across the pond in The Land of The Rising Sun.
The old adage goes, "time flies when you are having fun", but has my 6 months in Japan been all pixie-sticks and merry-go-rounds? I tend to think not. There have been ups and downs, lefts and rights, comings and goings, and questions left unanswered. As many of my friends have reminded me it seems that I often travel to escape the negative aspects of my life, only to find that those downers tag along for the ride. I can only retort by saying that changes in my living environment help to drive me in new directions, thereby fleecing over what negative feelings I had in my past locale. A prime example of this is my newfound desire to buy a decent camera and get serious about photography. Without coming to Japan I may not have gone through with such a purchase.
But all things come with a cost. The current cost of moving onwards and upwards in life is that I am teaching six days every week, and as such I am perpetually getting more exhausted. What's the point of being in an exotic foreign country only to be shackled to the daily grind of work? I'm not so sure. Maybe I will consider cutting back my hours after the camera purchase.
The past six months have brought new people into my life and have caused me to re-welcome others. As for relationships I guess I am still considered single. C'est la vie. That is life.
Minji's visit was bittersweet at best. Four days of rekindling lost feelings only to have her go back to Seoul doesn't really help me in the long run. Oh well I enjoyed it and I hope she did as well. I leave the rest of that story up to the author behind the scenes: the future.
I miss my friends back home. I miss lazy Sunday afternoons talking in Starbucks about everything and nothing at all. I miss rock climbing in Vancouver, only to be distracted by the mesmerizing cat-like movements of an Italian (French?/Geman?/Spanish?) woman scaling a v3 or v4 route. I miss bonding time over Scotch. I miss watching a few live shows a year.
Wow. Hold on. Things have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. It seems I've gone on a negative rant. Time for some positive aspects of living in Japan.
I have made a few friends here that keep me sane when I cant bear to sing the "Head and Shoulders Knees and Toes" song for the 12,000th time to screaming 5 year old kids. A few Friends that worry about whether or not I have enough sweaters to last the cold winter. Friends that take me out for delicious Sri Lankan curry. Friends that push me to climb harder at the gym. Friends that listen to my idle chatter whilst getting poached in a hot onsen. I am thankful for these friends.
And since that blip about food came up I should take this opportunity to say that Japanese food is amazing. Sushi, donburi, yakitori, karrage, onigiri, motsunabe, tonkotsu ramen, okonomiyaki, udon, soba, sashimi, unagi... it's all good. Actually I'm getting hungry just thinking about these things. Excuse me a moment while I take a stab at the bento box my boss brought me today.
Now, next on the list of "Japanese things that bring joy into Aaron's addled heart", is onsens. Kyushu, the southern island of Japan that I call my home, is the Grand Central Station of all things hot spring. I'm not sure of the exact number of onsens on the island but I'm sure it tops over a thousand. Beppu, for instance, has backyard hotsprings, allowing its residents the purifying and relaxing experience of natural boiling mineral water baths at any time of the day -- free of cost. That's how widespread they are in Kyushu. Personally, I wish I could strip down to my skivvies and bathe together with random old naked men in Canada. But alas, tis not God's will. OK that sounded a bit kimochi warui (disgusting) but you get the point.
And as I grow tired of writing this, I will close by saying that I am still doing fine, minus the nagging sore throat that has been pestering my mornings for the past few days. I hope you are all well too.
Keep an eye on my photo site and you will be rewarded with awesome dSLR photos once I buy the Nikon.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/farang_noi
And go listen to the song Blue Ridge Mountains by the Fleet Foxes. You won't be disappointed.
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| I'm the ripe old age of 26 today. Feeling old. Feeling fresh. Got a surprise phone call from Grandma today. That was nice. Working six days a week is a hassle but I have to save enough money to buy a new Nikon d90 DSLR for Christmas. Had sushi with the boss yesterday. Otoro nigiri melts in your mouth like ice cream. Today I'll have Indian food with my neighbour. Maybe drinks after. Tomorrow will be cake and possibly Motsunabe for dinner. The ex might be coming over to Japan in a couple weeks to visit. I'm kinda nervous. Haven't seen her in over a year. Gotta work on my birthday. Should be a day off. But it isn't. しょがないです。
Trying to write jazz-hiphop lyrics. Basically poetry with a hiphop backing track. Will post it on here if anything becomes of it.
For now I bid you all a temporary farewell.
Aaron | | |
| I'm still here. Still in Fukuoka. Still scraping by on a meager wage. Still trying hopelessly to learn the abomination that is the Japanese language.
Nothing much is new. School is still slow but I am getting paid enough to get by now. I have a line on a job close to Tokyo but i feel that moving is a pain in the ass.
Recently I wrote a couple pieces whilst bored (on my iPod no less). The first piece is a narrative describing a typical scene in the shopping districts of Fukuoka. The second piece is a little idea for a short story that may or may not be written to completion. Enjoy.
Also I will upload some new photos to my flickr page http://www.flickr.com/photos/farang_noi so check it out.
Aaron
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We flow in and out of the arterial entrance to a nameless department store, ushered invisibly by some eventual eventide. Sidelong glances are but the only views we receive of our counterparts, cultural shackles holding us back from unbridled communication. And in the mess stands a little girl, probably not yet in her 5th year of life, smiling a smile of chocolate ice cream. She radiates an innocence that is both profound and compelling. Suddenly her brother, even younger in years, toddles off into the pulsating crowd, followed quickly by his concerned father.
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Drakkus is not a sane man. His last shreds of sanity puttered away from the 3-ringed circus of the eighties in a bright red clown car. But to make up for this lack of sound reasoning, Drakkus has a powerful skill; he can always sense the truth.
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| Yes I am still fine in Japan and yes I know it has been over a month since my last blog.
What can I say? I haven’t really felt the substantial amount of inspiration needed to plunk my slowly shrinking rear-end down and materialize my usually witty rhetoric for the enjoyment of you, my devoted reader. I apologize profusely and bow until my forehead smashes into my knees. OK, not that much, but you get the picture.
Now usually this is where I would start my random stream of information and experiences that have taken place between now and my last blog, and to an extent it will be so. But recently certain events have transpired on distant shores that have been so profoundly moving that I must put their discussion ahead of the regularly scheduled programming.
To start, a disclaimer: I, in no way, shape or form, mean for my blog to sound like I am being insensitive or disrespectful to the families that have been affected by what has occurred. Certainly my words will only come through like muffled whispers against the crashing tides of grief and sadness that we feel, and that is ok. I feel I must speak what’s on my mind, for it is as much a therapy for me as it is a way to divulge some (hopefully) comforting information that I have obtained in the past few years.
My heart as well as my deepest sympathies go out to the families and close friends.
Yours respectfully,
Aaron
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When somebody close to us passes into the great unknown expanse that is death, we feel much pain and suffering.
When somebody close to us takes his own life that tends to amplify our negative feelings and also introduce thoughts of blame and anger. That is understandable when many suicides are the result of negative feelings and negative emotions. But in the cases of my two dear friends, I do not believe, rather I am certain, that their deaths were not the result of any of their own suffering or grief. Rather, both Alix and Kirk felt, and possibly knew, that the physical act of death was more of a liberation and a continuation of their spiritual journeys.
Now a bit of background information taken from my own experiences with my two friends:
I believe it was Alix who first began to dip his toes into the great pond of spiritual teachings and writings that have been accumulated over the history of mankind. Whether it was the writings of Hindu Yogi’s or Buddhist Monks or Persian poets, Alix read it all and crystallized the main points of the teachings into his own thoughts, feelings and beliefs. As his friends and family know, Alix has and always will be a sponge to absorb any and all information around him.
As Kirk and Alix were close friends, Kirk also began to gain interest in similar pursuits. I was in the middle of them many times and could see that they were getting deeper and deeper into that pond. At times their actions would have seemed far-fetched and a little disconcerting to most, but for me their meditations and meanderings were the norm. In fact, I became interested in many of the teachings as well. Positive messages were abound and to me it seemed that the path they were taking was solely spiritually enlightening, and nothing more.
I can’t really tell you about the specific teachings as I would only add tarnish to the crystalline clarity that the spiritual masters’ words hold. I can, however, tell you about some main points that were divulged to me:
- Our lives on Earth are but one stage of spiritual discovery.
- Our negative thoughts and actions only act as shackles that prevent us from progressing spiritually.
- To truly progress spiritually you must be able to express unconditional love to yourself and to everything and everyone around you (as far as I know this point is mentioned in almost all major religious texts).
- Our physical bodies are but vessels carrying our spirits. The end of our bodies does not mean that our spirit will just vanish.
- We must continue a cycle of rebirth and death until we advance spiritually to the next plane or level of existence.
- When we do progress to this next level, it will appear as if we have died on the physical plane.
Now I know I might have lost a lot of you by now but please bear with me. I know these things seem very far-fetched and unbelievable. That is fine. The thousand-foot view of things is needed so that I can explain some things about Alix and Kirk’s suicides.
Alix and Kirk are now where they wanted to be. Where their spirits longed to be. Their lives on Earth were devoted to excelling spiritual and accelerating towards that next plane of existence. Wherever they are now I know they are still as happy as they always were, and probably even happier.
Now I must qualify this with the fact that I hadn’t seen Kirk in years and only saw Alix once while I was living in Vancouver. I had, however, spent quite a lot of time with them when I was traveling with them through Thailand and when I was living with them in Western Australia. During the times that I had been with them they never seemed unhappy with their lives and were rather getting happier and happier every day with their spiritual discoveries. They were as pleasant as always and we had had many joyous and amazing experiences together during that time. The memories I have of those times I will never forget and they still warm my heart to this day.
I can theorize why Alix and Kirk seemed so distant to many of us in their last days. I believe contact with others probably served only to cause confusion in their own beliefs and thus the closeness with others was deemed to be fruitless in their spiritual journeys, save for the love and encouragement that we could offer to them. I’m sure they felt great pains in having to cut ties so drastically with those they loved, but they probably felt it was for the better. I’m certain that at no point did they stop loving us. Rather, they continued to love us from afar and in their own ways.
I cannot condone their actions, and personally I still feel they were a bit extreme in their beliefs. The pain and suffering they have caused to those dear to them is an unfortunate side effect, and was unavoidable. The key here is that they did and still do only want us to feel happy for them and to look upon their lives with much contentment and joy.
Alix once posted a bunch of quotes on a website and I managed to gather them at one point. Here is one about death in particular:
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Then Almitra spoke, saying, we would ask now about Death.
And he said:
You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but a trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king who hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountaintop, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
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The past few days have been very hard for me and I have fought with myself in trying to rationalize their deaths. I have cried and probably will continue to cry at times, but slowly I am coming to accept what has happened.
I feel so far away from everything here in Japan and that saddens me. I just want everyone to know that my heart is with them and I am always here to lend a sympathetic ear, no matter how many thousands of kilometres away I am.
Alix and Kirk are smiling down upon us as I type this, and we should grin and look to them with the same reverence and happiness as they do to us.
I reiterate that this entry is only a collection of thoughts that have been floating around in my head. I don’t mean to make light of the seriousness of the recent events and I don’t mean to try to glaze over the sadness that is being felt by their families and friends. I only hope that my words can offer some solace in a time where it seems solace is so far away from our minds.
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